Poem For Joseph - Autism Awareness

-Dedicated to my son, Joseph!-

STOLEN…

of random thoughts.

loving glances.

curious questions.

silly answers.

spontaneous kisses.

hits & misses.

social kiddy cliché’s.

GIVEN…

An angel.

Hope.

Humility.

Unconditional love.

The blessing to hear his voice again,

“I love you mommy!”

I couldn't have asked for more.

-Missy4j

For a couple years I was numb, like that missing puzzle piece came from a part of my heart that was stolen from me the minute “Autism” slipped from the Doctors cold lips. BUT the moment I finally heard my son speak again and say those words…it clicked.  His unique presence and love in my life alone is the missing piece.  The epiphany that keeps me motivated & humble, my son – my love brought him here & it is my love that will protect the gift I was given & marvel in the mark he will leave on the world!

April is Autism awareness month, spread the word, know the signs, & nurture our angels!

Mommy loves you Joseph!

Light it Up Blue People!

March in & Own it Girly

March has been pretty much…like cruise control I guess. 

Spent most of the month trying to get things off the ground & running so hopefully in the next few months it’ll pay off with some results, career-wise anyway.  If it doesn’t then we scratch that & come up with a new plan; I quit making Plan Bs a while back because I’m tired of expecting things not to work.  So I don’t prepare at all.  May not be the most proactive in many situations but for now it’s keeping me sane.

I DID manage to get some paintings finished, more in the works, and a solid line up.  :)

Let me tell ya... If I could do that all day and know my family could make it financially on just that, I’m telling you I would be the happiest & most humble woman e-ver; in the words of my nephew, “Heaven” (as he rolls his eyes LOL). 

AND coincidentally…

The 1^st college I went too (if you know me u’d smirk b/c I seem to be a lot like Lynn from Girlfriends; too many degrees, no job, a lost free spirit – that’s how I feel anyway) had an Alumni Art Exhibit so I had the “Liya” painting put up.  Couldn’t make the show however and turns out their moving it to another local one to further the show, so not a bad start.

OH! OMG, almost forget…

I did happen to get the rare opportunity to…wait for it….LEAVE the house and GO out! I know, what in Blazes!  But yea, got to actually go to Jacksonville and go out with one of my oldest & dearest friends, Nika!!! So excited! I missed her so much!  Though I’m very intimidated by her intelligence I managed not to have an anxiety attack and have an awesome night catching up with her & all the while enjoy the local Dr. Sketchy’s event!!!

As much as I wanted to stay I couldn’t – have to resume mommy duties for the next school day. Believe me it’s a must, otherwise the boys would have went to school in each other’s clothes, two diff colored socks, and bread & water for lunch. J/k but I just don’t think dude is ready for that task yet.  N e who…I can’t wait to do something like that again.  It was a little awkward trying to keep the convo going at first b/c my mind was in constant awe of how we’ve grown, her beauty, confidence, lifestyle, & freedom.  She’s the Joan to my Lynn :).

Get this!   Being the attentive one that night, Nika networked the room of that bar like I paid her and she managed to get me a contact from a lovely lady who may be able to get me into a few Art openings in the next few months…. if I can get some more done however.  There is no way I would have approached her if I were alone.  And sooo meant to tip the model even as Nika was but I was trying so hard not to say something stupid to anyone, it was hard to concentrate. Feel bad but I’ll make up for that later.  I really need to get over that but it was a good lesson watching her!

Other than that, the boys had spring break so we spent some days outside, others locked in the house playing tag. Even treated them to their first movie which was an epic even in itself lol, to put it shortly they enjoyed the seats more than Tango!  You know tho, Johnny Depp's fineness (yea I said it) still manages to shine through the lizard. Sorry Mandy lol I could listen to dude talk all day, which is what you have to do anyway with two boys under 6 in a movie theater. ;) But it was fun, nice family day & very cute movie.

They also accompanied me to Gainesville to my cousin’s Bday BBQ and actually played and had fun with the other kids, and not cause too much havoc. But it was really nice to get to hang out with family, friends; nothing like good food, convo, and laughter – all around a great day too!

So March was decent, not complaining AT all & looking forward what feels like is going to be an interesting April!! Starting with the notorious Catfish festival sarcastic* Yeah!

Later-XO

"Miss O.K." Oil - sneak peek of a work in progress!

"Friendship is an art, and very few persons are born with a natural gift for it."

- Kathleen Norris

Poem & Painting 2

Actually a drawing this time...

"Mrs.Sade" - 11x14, graphite & colored pencils

Downpour

Devoted to the sound of the nighttime rain

Flawless solution washes away the day

Every drop echoes sweet pats on the back

Reproducing the smooth jazz soundtrack

Thunder that whispers bold low tones

Emulating the slow jam DJ’s moans

Puddles of dreams fill the streets

Cool hugging winds cut thru my sheets

Tranquil prologue to sandman’s loom

Highlight the sleepless light of the moon

-Missy4j

*Not sure if I'm done with either, but I have a habit of that.

XOXO

February - Chocolate Covered Heartbreaks

 Yeah…I’ll try my best and remember what all went down but I can’t promise hilarity will ensue, not that I ever promised that but it would be nice right?  All I got for you now is a pure roller coaster of emotions.

           

The month started pretty low-key.  Then I had to witness a heartbreak :/.  Ugh, they were together for a while even engaged but she decided to go off and “find herself”.  Sounds familiar right…as cliché as it is I can understand her p.o.v. and decision.  Seeing how that is my objective this year, it is definitely more of a challenge when you are attached.  Just wish it would’ve happened sooner and not to someone who relentlessly wears his heart, raw and unconditionally on his sleeve.  My hope is that he recovers soon, without too much scaring, and enlightened enough to find a similar journey.

           

Valentine’s came and went.  Unfortunately my baby is not the best at holidays, still trying to figure if he’s truly that clueless or whether I just ain’t worth the effort.  For his sake hopefully is the former.  He tried this year though, can’t complain…A for effort!

           

The rest of the month went by pretty fast.  This last class was extremely hectic with back-to-back information overload but I got it done – thank God! So much for trying to be the overachiever, I knew that wasn’t going to happen after the first class though. Do my best though. It’s all just going by so fast though.

           

Then…my Great Aunt Liza passed.  I loved her a lot; she was a sincere, classic (yes classy too but I like classic), and I was honored to have a bday a day before hers.  Our personalities seem to harmonize :) Unfortunately I didn’t get to spend a whole lot of time with her. She turned 90 last year though; you could see the exhaustion in her eyes and feel the acceptance from her soul.  I am glad she’s at rest.  She will be missed.  

Aunt Liza & Malik

"The passing moment is all we can be sure of; it is only common sense to extract its utmost value from it."

- W. Somerset Maugham

         

To end on a good note however, I did get to go down south – MIAMI!! And visit my sister all in a matter of a day lol and in a cramped van with my dad, brother, mom, and her bf. Hi-larious! It was fun.  It was also refreshing to see her, my nephew, D and my deceivably beautiful old city.  The docs are still trying to figure out what’s going on with my nephew and these infections, good news though it is NOT rejection! *Knock on wood!*  I can’t wait until they can come home and he can go years without being poked and prodded.  I’m sure these humble times will be rewarded once they make it through but I wish I could just hand it to them right now, at least a break Omg.

           

But yeah…not too bad.

So here comes March & hopefully this goes a little fast but only through the hard times. Got to start off with a new chaotic class and the funeral, let’s not allow this to set the tone for the rest of the month.

           

Goals for next month:

·      Pass w/at least a B

·      Spend more time playing

·      Tighten up for beach body weather…

Can you guess which one might get pushed to the next month lol ;)

C-ya next month, hopefully sooner but I will leave you w/another “poem & painting” post. Hope you like it & come back for more.

XOXO

Wrap it Up Sister!

"It is only the women whose eyes have been washed clear with tears who get the broad vision 

that makes them little sisters to all the world."

- Dorothy Dix

Since I’m catching you up on the past I guess I should let you know what’s going now right, 

    Derrr Missy!

Well I’ll just start month by month for now since I’m coming to the halfway pt in school & have to upkeep 2 other blogs for assignments, bear with me.  I may keep one up though b/c it’s actually kind of fun writing about my “other” work.

N

            E

Who…let’s see how much I can remember – believe me that’s an accomplishment in itself.

January: 

Started off with my youngest, Malik, in the hospital, he was running a fever on New Years.  Then he wouldn’t eat for a couple of days so we decided on the ER (holiday season-ughh).  It turned out better than we thought, him & the hospital visit. Usually it takes hrs just to be seen and hrs to get treated.  FYI: he has to go every time he gets a fever b/c he has the less severe form of Sickle Cell, so it’s a precaution thing. But yea he got antibiotics & nausea meds, hr later he was eating everything in sight; plus we went almost immediately back and treated. POINT for the new town! (Still trying to convince DUDE the move was worth it! – another story).

The boys & I went back to school.

I had a resume' interview w/the new school district (went AWESOME!!) and met some cool & inspiring people! & Got some tips to increase my “desirability” as a candidate lol.

Decided to take a test (that put a dent in the mth budget – ugh) to get certified in Art K-12- extremely nerve-wrecking! But that would be my IDEAL job <3 it!

Left me w/2weeks to prepare in the midst of a major Lit. Review, movie & blog assignments; I apparently like to back myself into a wall lol – at least its support :)

Got all that done & a cram session 2 days before the test! Got to the, 2 hrs away, location w/2 mins to spare (which was used to run back to the car for ID lol).

PASSED IT!!! Go me! Now we wait…

Dude aka my bf; JB had his birthday, and Tristan (nephew) but couldn’t afford to do anything – not even a card :( , was happy just to relax for the day so... 

JB & our oldest, JB jr.

Continue to stretch the budget since Xmas, unexpected bills, & the test put a strain on us…story of our life so we’ll manage, we're use to it.

More job searching, assignments, school routine w/boys and waiting…

Mom had surgery on her foot & down for 12 weeks at the most :( have to go visit soon

Jarvis’ bday on the 28^th – sigh- RIP brother (my oldest of 5) ; not a day goes by!!

Jarvis, 1979-1998 <3

Got a call to possibly work on a project to illustrate a book, hopefully something comes from that…we’ll see.  Both newbies so it’s going to take some work.

Missing my sissy :( & her fam!!!! (fill you in on that soon too- it’s def a story 2 be told).

My Sissy, Mandy & I

That’s been my January, let’s hope February is a little more…something…anything positive, I guess, not complaining though – it can always be worse & always grateful for how far I’ve come…go me!

Right now: writing this blog, about to finish my last vid/blog assignment for my mth4 class & listening to Malik sing along to Pink Friday lol – don’t judge us lol, we’re just getting in party mode to clean & get things done! The playlist will slowly go from that to Glee soundtracks to Mike Posner, Ella Fitz, Katy Perry, Lyfe Jennings, Corinne Bailey Rae, Cher and a continuous odd mix of  “ooohkay…” lol. JB thinks I’m weird, I call it well rounded – Thank U!

Next couple of days…we’ll see, plan to be routine but if anything comes up you’ll be the first to know…see you in Feb, unless I get more time to blog!

XO

Poem & Painting 1

Just wanted to share a poem & painting of mine...hope you like!

"Your Muse"

Play each note as a small melodic reminder 

Of every sweet touch received from every finger 

Reminisce on my every soft spoken word 

Provoking each harmony to somehow mirror 

Commend the intensity of my understated strength 

To Power your passion of your potent instrument 

Let the illusive notion of my inevitable absence 

Sear every word you sing into my subconscious 

Invoke my timid nature & intriguing mystery 

Beginning the complexities of each your analogies 

Rekindle the memories of our climatic connection 

Becoming the pinnacle of each quote you fashion 

Anticipate each dimple as you glorify my smile 

Conceive your lyrics to compliment our style 

Feed us all your vivid details with notable intensity 

Recite to captivate attention, as if it’s just you & me 

Capture me in that diminishing moment in time 

Reveal each subtle detail that is mine 

Showcase the mole sitting softly in my eye 

Or the Graceful line flowing down to my thigh 

Let your brush stroke to highlight every strand of hair 

Add your secret symbols only we can decipher 

Yearning to be a masterpiece, a simple fascination 

An everlasting impression – every patrons craving 

Replicate the colors that saturate my every being 

Find a way to show me what I fail to see.

-Missy4j  06/10 

Missy (2010)- "Ambassador Liya* (of Ethiopia)" Oil, 24x36

*Liya Kebede - Ethiopian model/actress and an Ambassodor.  She is truly an inspirational person, this painting was referenced from a Essence spread in 2007.  Rocking a beautiful natural crown she's in a movie coming out soon about a true story of a Somalian model and her coming of age story that also deals with the issue of her culture's genital mutilation/circumcision/cutting. Check it out here, called "Desert Flower".

 

The Woman of My Dreams

Ever since I was a little I had this perception of the ideal women. I even remember when that vision was validated when my best friend’s Dad came in one day and said giggling, “I saw you today.”  I just gave him my usual confused look. He went on to tell my mom, best friend, and me about this beautiful woman he seen that day that reminded him of me.  He quickly illustrated everything I envisioned, patted me on the head, smiled and left. “YES!” I thought; couldn’t wait to see her.

The woman of my dreams...I could only imagine.  She would be somewhere between 5’6” to 5’8”.  I actually like being short but I gave her a few inches, it is a dream after all.  She would look like the best exotic mix of Lisa Bonet and “Freddie”, you know…Cree Summer from A Different World and Dorothy Dandridge: natural, confident, free-spirited and idyllic femininity.

A beautiful caramel flawless skin tone smeared subtle gold undertones that caught the light seamlessly.  Big endlessly deep brown eyes that would only allow you a glimpse into her soul when the sun caught them just right, complimented by statement Brook Shields brows.  Striking yet soft features, full lips holding back a gleaming bright white smile that began and ended with trademark dimples.  Her body was all her own.  A petite yet perky c cup, the belly of a Hawaiian hula beauty – you know…not exactly washboard but slender with just the right amount of baby fat that did not spill over rather flowed right into full womanly hips. 

Her aura would radiate a contagious carefree, individualist but compassionate old soul.  When she walked her glorious full raven seasoned with auburn highlighted ringlets would dance individually on each wave of wind.  Layer by layer brushing her cheeks down to the small of her back.  Possessed the power to project her soft-spoken words that would scream sexual femininity unconsciously but intelligently in a laid-back and witty humbling manner.  All of this would be wrapped up in an eclectic typical artist bohemian style.  Creative with a classic and vintage pieces that only conformed to what you would expect only her to pull off.

SHE is the woman of my dreams, the one I lost sight of along the way.  She is the reason I CUT off a foot of relaxed dead hair after 13 years! I know I’ll see her again…this is the first step, give or take a few inches.   :)

BEFORE:

"It is not the eyes of others that I am wary of, but my own."

- Noel Coward

AFTER:

"One is not born a woman - one becomes one."

- Simone de Beauvoir